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| tugu kujang jaman dahulu kala, dari google hehe. |
For a long time I wanted to be an introvert, they impress me. Most introverts I know are very mysterious, but aside from being cool, they seem to be so in touch with themselves. Reality is I gain energy from being with people, hanging out with my friends, sleeping in at someone's place. I accepted the fact that I was no introvert. If anyone's thinking "Cit, it's more of a spectrum than a--" believe me, I know now.
Even so, my admiration for introverts didn't die along the realization that I wasn't a "member". It got to a point where I used to observe those so called introverts' tendencies, most of them socialize well, but it's evident that a lot of times they choose not to. The one thing I couldn't process was how they liked hanging out alone. They go to the movies, shop, or eat out all on their own while I didn't even enjoy going to the canteen by myself. I talked about this with fellow extroverts and they agreed.
29th of April 2017, I decided I wanted to hang out on my own. I thought maybe I would go to the mall, eat something, stroll around, for the sole purpose of knowing what it's like. So how did it go? At first it was awkward, I ate sushi all by myself while a couple seated next to me were holding hands. I felt as though people were staring at me with pity, but I knew in my righteous mind that nobody was thinking that, nobody even noticed. When I finished my plate I left and decided to look around. This was another stupid decision considering how I dislike shopping, I honestly do. All I did was stare at things uninterestedly and left as soon as "silahkan mba ada yang bisa saya bantu.." vibes came near. Probably around 15 minutes of useless strolling I decided to go home with my conclusion that going out alone is not how I roll.
As I was walking outside Botani Square to a good pick up spot, I looked ahead and saw the crowded street. My heart felt lifted a bit and I found myself putting back my phone postponing my initial attempt of ordering gojek. I walked along the street and thought to myself of how much I love this city, with all its memories. I grew up here, met so many good people here, I have sprinkled all the spots here with moments I could gladly pick up on now each and every time I go pass a place. I sat on a bench right in front of Tugu Kujang and I swear I wanted to cry. I wasn't sad, nor was I happy. I just felt emotional for some reason, maybe because I miss my old life. I have been too busy and distracted with worldly things that I had forgotten to keep in touch with myself, I had forgotten to write in my journal, I had forgotten to put down my phone and get spiritual. I have been very tired and I didn't even realize. So I just sat there looking at that magnificent part of this city, cars passing by, the reddish sky, people walking. It felt so good, somehow. I was glad I had no one else by my side.
That moment of just sitting there on the bench, thinking of almost nothing and everything all at once, reflecting my life and all the things I have been neglecting, I felt like I achieved so many things by doing nothing but sit there and stare. I finally understood what a "me time" is.
So, with that experience, I can honestly say I actually like going out alone, as long as it's set in the right place. Malls can be fun with friends, but they tend to wear me out. Sitting on a bench near trees and crowded streets? That's more like it. I will surely do it again when I have the chance.
So, with that experience, I can honestly say I actually like going out alone, as long as it's set in the right place. Malls can be fun with friends, but they tend to wear me out. Sitting on a bench near trees and crowded streets? That's more like it. I will surely do it again when I have the chance.
Speaking of which, that thing about this extravert introvert being a spectrum? I guarantee you this: it is.
